Life

A few years ago I was introduced to a slightly spoken guy with brown dreads. I believe it was New Years eve and I was about to perform with a troupe I'd been involved with for the year before - around the end of 2006. I immediately had a crush on him as he seemed my type and flirted the night away. Guess others had the same thought as they flirted too and he eventually ended up on the dance floor with another. Doh! No worries though, we maintained a nice aquaintance smiling at one another here and there, small talks and a pleasant existence with our stations with one another.

On the 20th of July this year he went missing. Today two men were arrested and one is being sought, for connections to his disappearance. They are calling it homicide.

It's been a sad year in the community I'm involved with, that being circus folks, fire dancers, performers, people of the sort. In February we lost a brother after a long battle with cancer. I was lucky enough to have gotten to know him for a year or so before he sucame to it. And five months later, we've lost another brother to a unnessecary murder. I lost my father to cancer back on St Patrick's Day in 2001 so cancer I can deal with, but muder? In my entire life I've never been witness to violence such as this so close to my life. It's horrific. And all I can think about at the moment is his poor mother and the anguish she must be feeling. My heart cries for her. And unfortunately thoughts of what he might have gone through as the realization of the horrors that were happening around him... to him... manifested and who he was about to leave behind.

Just like that, a beautiful light extinguished.

Sydney

I wasn't sure I even remembered the password to log onto this site it's been so long but I'm here, I'm back and hopefully I can continue posting and figure out which direction I want to take this blog in. There will be many changes.

Currently I am in Sydney visiting my partner. The one who many moons ago I wasn't sure I'd ever see again. Well a funny thing happened on the way to the airport (last November) and I ended up jumping on a plane to NSW and stayed for a month. Then headed back to Los Angeles in December. Then back to Sydney in January where I stayed for a additional 3 months - until late April. I would have stayed longer if certain circumstances had come forward. And now finally three long months later I'm back. The sad thing about this time is I know that it will only be a few weeks though I wish more. Maybe one day sooner rather than later it will happen that I am with him permanently but for now, I will enjoy my three weeks and live life here with him til the fullest and then some surrounded by abundance, joy and love.

Moving...

Taking a break - will be back soon

Day 2

I'm trying to find my style. Not sure what it is so I figure I'll play around with things until I get it. I'm having a tough time sleeping tonight. Missing my lover.

Living and Loving

Taken by my lovely near abouts Bondi (I was scared shitless as we were on a cliff and nothing but sharp rocks and huge waves were below)

View of Bondi Beach from the cliffs, I live slightly to the left and up the hill -
a five minute walk to the beach. Surfing is incredible at this spot.



Had to walk over this and around to get to Tamarama Bay. It was worth it.



Tamarama Bay - a brief walk around the cliffs to another bay that in my honest opinion is a lot better than Bondi because it's small and its a little more secluded. Cogee bay lies just another half hour walk beyond (past the graveyard!)

So beautiful. Love it.

Oz

I am on my way to Sydney this evening to visit my lover. I am more than overjoyed. He left the States in September and every day since we've been in constant communication with one another. It's been incredible and that's what this trip will be I'm sure... incredible.

Oddly enough... I've never had any real desire to go to Oz. I have friends there who have tried to get me to visit for years and I always shrugged my shoulders and went the opposite direction. Even my mother always wanted to go and I waved and told her to have a great trip (she never made that journey instead went to live in Africa for half a year plus). So me actually making my way there joyfully and of free will amuses her a great amount. But then again she also knows that her daughter would go anywhere on this Earth for a good adventure and on a whim. Traveling is in the blood. I just wish I could do it more.

I'm excited now about Australia. Excited to embrace the man I miss so much. Excited to explore his country. And excited to return next year....

LA lost it's flare for me a long time ago and I'm looking for something new. Perhaps this will be it.

It's not that I don't want to write. It's just been that I've not had much of anything to write about. This year I took off more or less and began to focus on other things. Began to take classes in Computer Science/Programming, started getting into photography more, took a huge step back out of the "fire community" and enjoyed spending time with a man I absolutely adore. In less than a month I'm heading over to Australia to visit him and some friends, and to explore the region as I might possibly move there for a bit gypsy child that I can be sometimes.

Perhaps when I begin that journey... I'll have more to write about.

I clench my jaw and grind my teeth when I'm stressed. Mainly it happens when I'm asleep, when my subconscious gets to take over and I'm not in complete control of my emotions. It's a little habit I picked up a few years back when I went through a breakup. The dentist said it was so bad he was afraid I'd continue to grind my teeth and prescribed a mouth guard which I never used. I eventually got past that experience and so far so good... until now.

The man I was seeing, my partner in crime, left for his home country and though we've gotten to say goodbye more than once now, this time it was final - so to speak. There will be no more Monday - Tuesday hang outs. No more random hey let's do something now calls. No more playing in the ocean. No more other things. It's true we will get to see one another again, sooner rather than later. I've flown all over, though I've not really spoken about it here much, for a weekend, a day, a week, a month just because, so in my mind I do know we will see each other soon but still. Going from every week to where ever the wind takes us is a little bit depressing.

I think it's taken a little time for this new change to settle within me. I was fine earlier but today I woke up feeling drained and achy jaw/teeth, the effects of clenching too tightly. Stressed. Sad. Longing for his touch.

This past Sunday we went out to see Van Hunt, it was okay, but the magic was there because I was with him. We drank wine and listened to the musician. People watched. Watched people watching us. Reflected. And finally made our way to the dance floor where he threw his arm around my waist and lifted me up while turning me around. I bent my legs up while holding on tightly around his neck and I was in heaven. My lovely man.

A good memory, one of many, to end this chapter but hopefully not the book.

I was a little surprised that my companion knew the words to our national anthem but as we walked down the pathway while trying to get to our assigned seats, he began to belt out the words and grinned when I glanced at him with a puzzled and amused look. How very kool. Most Americans don't know our National Anthem and to hear it from someone who is not from here, was actually very beautiful. I was extremely impressed.

We had made our way to The Hollywood Bowl this evening because I had seen an ad that an abridged production of Les Miserables was to be performed by The LA Orchestra and a Cast of nicely seasoned performers. Musicals are my weakness. Especially Les Miserables, so I was all ready there as far as I was concerned. I hadn't thought he would want to go, so I had sought out a ticket for myself but when I spoke of it to him in the morning he seemed eager and ready to go, so we did.

I remember the opening music, how both our hearts seemed to skip a beat when the characters began to belt out their songs. I was so incredibly happy to be there at that moment in time, it felt magical. I remember being poured the first glass, one of many, of the first of two bottles of wine we had purchased. I remember the ending of the performance and how everyone gave a standing ovation. I even remember seeing hoards of people waiting outside of the stage door to get autographs or what have you from their favorite performer or/and musician.

And that's about it.

Let's just say wine and an empty stomach do not usually mix. But fortunately, good music and good company do.

Performance

Good night. Great performance. I was hesitant to go ahead since I had had insane back spasms earlier that day and had even called a girl for backup. But it seemed to calm down a little so I decided to go for it and hoped that it would remain that way for the rest of the evening.

We did a free style show for my friend's private party, second year in a row and it gets bigger each year. The audience loved it. We loved it. It was a great show save for me personally the small mistake I made by breathing in fire for a split second. - When you're dealing with eating fire, you are NEVER supposed to breathe in, always either out or no breath. - Second times in two years of fire eating! Second time within a month. Not sure what's up with that. Luckily, I stopped my breath before anything went down my throat (unlike last time which had me taking charcoal pills, drinking water and spitting up bits of black sud? the next day). The first time it frightened me, this time I was just angry that I made the mistake again.

Aside from that, we did a great show and that's all that counts.