I clench my jaw and grind my teeth when I'm stressed. Mainly it happens when I'm asleep, when my subconscious gets to take over and I'm not in complete control of my emotions. It's a little habit I picked up a few years back when I went through a breakup. The dentist said it was so bad he was afraid I'd continue to grind my teeth and prescribed a mouth guard which I never used. I eventually got past that experience and so far so good... until now.

The man I was seeing, my partner in crime, left for his home country and though we've gotten to say goodbye more than once now, this time it was final - so to speak. There will be no more Monday - Tuesday hang outs. No more random hey let's do something now calls. No more playing in the ocean. No more other things. It's true we will get to see one another again, sooner rather than later. I've flown all over, though I've not really spoken about it here much, for a weekend, a day, a week, a month just because, so in my mind I do know we will see each other soon but still. Going from every week to where ever the wind takes us is a little bit depressing.

I think it's taken a little time for this new change to settle within me. I was fine earlier but today I woke up feeling drained and achy jaw/teeth, the effects of clenching too tightly. Stressed. Sad. Longing for his touch.

This past Sunday we went out to see Van Hunt, it was okay, but the magic was there because I was with him. We drank wine and listened to the musician. People watched. Watched people watching us. Reflected. And finally made our way to the dance floor where he threw his arm around my waist and lifted me up while turning me around. I bent my legs up while holding on tightly around his neck and I was in heaven. My lovely man.

A good memory, one of many, to end this chapter but hopefully not the book.